The Guest List

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Some would think that this would be the point in the preliminaries where you decide if you should have a big blow out or a small, intimate affair, but you’d be wrong. The guest list is simply a list of people you’d like to share this day with. My own wedding had no more than 50 people in attendance, but it was as big a blow out as we could afford ($15,000)!!! In one magazine or another, there was a story of a couple who hosted a very intimate barn yard hoe-down for 150 people, feeding and watering everyone, plus entertainment, for under $5000. See what I mean?

When considering people to invite, you’re going to make three lists. First, both you and your partner should make a list individually. Next, make a list together of people you know as a couple. Go through and cross off the repeat names and tally up your totals.

If you are both happy with the number of people on the list and the actual people on the list, it is time to move on the next step. If you’re not happy with the list, it is time to start veto-ing people off of the list. Here are some guidelines to help you decide who to cut and who to keep:

1.   If you were invited to their wedding, you are NOT obligated to invite them to yours.
2.  Co-workers who are ONLY co-workers don’t necessarily deserve an invite.
3.  There is NO SUCH THING as “courtesy invites”, if you send them an invite, plan on them coming.

If there are other people contributing financially to your event, such as your parents, they might expect to be able to add some names to the pool as well. The best way to handle this is to set a specific number of people that each set of parents can add to the guest list. The conversation might sound like this, 

“Mom, I would be happy to include your friends in our guest list, but we can only fit 10 more people inside the budget. If you’d like to help cover the cost of more guests, then I would be happy to add more of your friends to the list.”

This scenario would be different if your parents were covering the cost of your entire wedding. In that case, they should be allowed to invite whomever they like and in whatever quantity they'd like. The general rule is whomever holds the checkbook gets to make the decisions.

Keep in mind that this list is going to evolve throughout the length of your engagement, right up until you start printing the address labels for the invitations. Stay flexible and open minded and your guest list will not become sore spot between you and your partner.